This is what my life is like after getting mental help

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in 2007 I was diagnosed with Bipolar. The meds they gave me were wrong for me and I gave up on them for nearly a decade. In 2017 I went back and tried again.

There are no words for the difference and transformation I went through. Before I was a half a person where now I am almost whole. Sometimes I like to think of the bipolar like a black sluge stuck inside my head and the medicine.

It is not perfect but its 70 percent better. It is always going to be there like a dark passenger, the meds just gave me the tools to fight.

I currently take Zoloft, lithium and hydroxozyn with very little side effects. Because I am ridiculously lucky I found the right combination on the third try.

“I NEVER HAVE TO FEEL WORTHLESS AGAIN”

The meds turn down the volume on all the bad emotions. And one of the worst emotions I have ever felt was worthless. I remember think at the chart of me taking meds, don’t get fooled it will come back. Now it has been two and a half years and I have never felt that pit of darkness since.

I don’t have a desire to drink anymore. I have the occasional drink on my birthday and New Years eve. But I just don’t care to get f**Ked up anymore. I drank more than I care to admit in my younger days. And during that time the thought of quitting drinking was like death to me. I was trying to make myself a whole person with alcohol.

I smile more and cry less. My life doesn’t feel like a mess. lol I did not mean for that to rhyme.

August 19th was my birthday

I had the best time at the lake for my birthday. I went camping for the days and it was amazing. Thank you to everyone for all the birthday wishes and for making my birthday so special.

Baby Ashley had her baby

I was so excited to go see the new baby. Even though lol you guys know I am never having kids because gross. I still wanted to see the precious little angel. I am so happy everything worked out. I have never seen a woman who wanted to be a mom more than my pal baby Ashley and it feels good to see someones dream come true.

I am never getting married or having kids for real

Today at my job, a patron whom I admire dearly asked me about my boyfriend. I tried to just ignore it but he was slightly persistent. I think he just is a nice friendly guy and just trying to make pleasant conversation. But it takes a little time to explain my choices and there are always many follow-up questions.

When I was 5 I knew in my gut that wasn’t for me. Weddings, kids, dresses and all that just did not impress me. I had dolls growing up and I did go through a really preppy phase after high school but I never wanted to get married or have kids.

I could go on for days about why I have chosen to live with a dog for the rest of my life. I like my personal space and having my bed to myself. I love doing whatever I feel like with my schedule and I never clean up after anyone. I have felt this way for over twenty years. All I need is my family and my dog little bear.

I plan on marrying myself. I know it would not be legal but I saw a kit on google. You do a ceremony and you marry yourself. When I have the extra money I am so doing this. So stay tuned to my blog for a marriage to myself, because I am officially engaged to myself.

 

A few days after I shaved my head

I am loving the look and my shaved head has never felt so cool. I am really thinking about keeping the look. What do you guys think?

Watch the video of me shaving my head

https://ashtamisprime.com/2018/06/25/my-head-shaving-video/

My grandmother does not know who I am anymore

I have called my grandmother Mema for as long as I can remember. Today she does not remember that or my face. I love her so much and god bless her she is still such a nice person to everyone. It is just her nature to be so nice. Sometimes she starts to understand what is going on and it is so cool reminding her what an amazing person she was. She made so many lives better and touched so many hearts from being so giving. I am so happy to have a car know and am going to visit once a month.