in 2007 I was diagnosed with Bipolar. The meds they gave me were wrong for me and I gave up on them for nearly a decade. In 2017 I went back and tried again.
There are no words for the difference and transformation I went through. Before I was a half a person where now I am almost whole. Sometimes I like to think of the bipolar like a black sluge stuck inside my head and the medicine.
It is not perfect but its 70 percent better. It is always going to be there like a dark passenger, the meds just gave me the tools to fight.
I currently take Zoloft, lithium and hydroxozyn with very little side effects. Because I am ridiculously lucky I found the right combination on the third try.
“I NEVER HAVE TO FEEL WORTHLESS AGAIN”
The meds turn down the volume on all the bad emotions. And one of the worst emotions I have ever felt was worthless. I remember think at the chart of me taking meds, don’t get fooled it will come back. Now it has been two and a half years and I have never felt that pit of darkness since.
I don’t have a desire to drink anymore. I have the occasional drink on my birthday and New Years eve. But I just don’t care to get f**Ked up anymore. I drank more than I care to admit in my younger days. And during that time the thought of quitting drinking was like death to me. I was trying to make myself a whole person with alcohol.
I smile more and cry less. My life doesn’t feel like a mess. lol I did not mean for that to rhyme.